To the Woman Who’s Thinking of Hooking Up on Valentine’s Day

by Lisa Cotter, posted in Relationships


Tomorrow is the day you’ll be reminded of that fact that you’re single, which, you tell yourself, means you’re not enough. So how are you going to handle it? Perhaps you’re still not sure. Maybe you’ll spend the day in sweats watching chick flicks and bemoaning the fact that there are no good men in the world. Maybe you’ll spend it eating chocolate and complaining to your friends that today is the dumbest holiday ever invented by Hallmark. (Fact check: The day started as a Catholic feast day.) Maybe you’ll spend it going to a party to drink away your misery… and maybe while at that party, you’ll look for someone to hook up with.

Just for fun. No strings attached. You know, just something to do on Valentine’s Day. We’ll probably just make out, that’s all. No going back to his place. I’ll be in control.

Sister, I see you. I see your pain and I know it. You long to be loved. You long to be someone to somebody and if you can’t have it forever, at least you can have it for one moment, or maybe even a whole night. Something to ease that gaping hole you feel in your heart. Something to distract you from your overwhelmingly, empty reality. Something to make you feel loved.

But here’s the thing, maybe in the moment it feels great and your loneliness is forgotten, but you know it’s not meaningless and you know it’s not harmless because you know how you’re going to feel about it the next day… when you are alone again. By yourself. And he’s gone.

That feeling of emptiness… it’s worse. That feeling of loneliness… it’s multiplied. And now you lay there wondering, “Why did I let it happen again? I didn’t intend for it to go that far. Ugh, this sucks. Now what?… Will he ever text? I mean, I think there was maybe something more going on there?”

And so you wait and wait and wait, obsessively checking your phone, hoping for that text and when it doesn’t come, you try to convince yourself that it’s no big deal. You’re in control, you tell yourself. You made the decision to have fun for just one night, if he doesn’t care, then why do you?

But you do care and you can’t help it. It wasn’t just a little bit of fun. It hurts. You were reduced to an object for pleasure and you let it happen. You were used and you know it. Listen to your heart, what is it trying to tell you? Is it trying to tell you that this is as good as it gets or is it whispering to you, there has got to be more.

Sister, there is more. You are more. You are more than an object, more than a thing. You are a person–a person with a worth and value and dignity that can never be taken away. And if you think that because you don’t have a guy in your life that means you aren’t wanted, that you aren’t enough, you’re wrong.

You are wanted. You don’t have to hook up to try to feel that way. There is a man out there who loves you more than life and He wants you. He. Wants. You.

His name is Jesus and He’s literally dying to love you.

Look at the cross. He’s there, dying of love for you. Why? Because you are worth it. I know it sounds like a line and I can’t convince you that it’s true, but if you are bold enough to open up your heart to Him, I promise that you’ll discover it for yourself.

Don’t go searching for a hook up tomorrow. Don’t try to find somebody to fill your void. They can’t and they won’t. You know it. Instead, in your emptiness and loneliness, run to Jesus. Let Him love you not just for one night, but for eternity.

Be saints – it’s worth it.


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